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18 June 2008 @ 09:32 am
newbie  
hey all, i'm new here - not pregnant (yet), but... ok, so while we aren't actively trying to have a baby, aren't really not trying either... anyways i've been thinking lately about what kind of birth i want when i do get pregnant... and i want natural... ideally i want a midwife or doula (or both, not sure how that works)... but my insurance only covers 1 and she's in jackson, tn - so i gotta find our how much that's gonna cost... but why does it seem like there's some stigma attached to wanting/having a natural birth? everyone says, oh the pain will make it too much to bear, you'll have to have something. no i won't, at least that's my plan. i am a woman, women were made to give birth, our bodies can handle it - you don't give any other animal an epidural or the option to have a c-section... the idea of knowing that i gave birth without some doctor forcing it before its time is an amazing idea... and one that i would love to make a reality... when the time comes :)
did anyone else that's had natural childbirth run into this problem with their friends and/or family that they weren't very supportive of your decision to have natural birth? it's like the people i thought would be most supportive (my friends i mean. i haven't even brought this up to the husband yet since i'm not pregnant) just seem to think i'm stupid or that there's no way i could handle the pain. i don't know anyone that's had natural birth, so everyone i know thinks it's just this stupid passing idea from a woman that's never had a kid so "she doesn't know what's it's like". it's actually really disappointing to know that i have no support here (IRL i mean). a real let down.
 
 
 
Anneflayre on June 18th, 2008 04:02 pm (UTC)
I think it is rare to find people who are really and truly supportive of us. I haven't had much of a problem with telling people my choices, except my cousin who responded "homebirth, eh? Well, then I guess you know how dangerous that is"...um yeah, you had a birth center birth, moron, that's not any different than a home birth except it's not at your house. Needless to say I've only talked to her once since then. Only 5 weeks left for me and this is my first!
Doricomdoricom on June 18th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
Welcome. :) I haven't had a natural birth, but I'm hoping (I find out on the 24th of this month if I have the green light for a VBAC) that this time around I can have the birth I've been wanting. :) It is hard to find support, but stick to your guns, especially when the time comes. :) I think it is worth it in the end, no matter what others think.
Tricksy Pixietheprimrosepath on June 18th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
Hi! I'm in pretty much the same situation as your right now (and the same state too, woohoo), in that I'm not pregnant yet, but we're talking about it and the possibility looms ever closer. :)

Is it the midwife or the doula that's in Jackson? I don't know how your insurance works, but I've been going to my local midwife clinic just for my yearly ob-gyn appt for the last two years - I figured that way, when baby-time finally came, I'd already have someone around that I felt comfortable with. (I'm contemplating home birth, too.) Don't know how that would work with the insurance and distance and all, but it might be something to think about.

I haven't told a lot of people either - I figure right now it's no one's business - but my mom has been pretty supportive. And I definitely don't want to sound like I'm telling you what to do, but...you might consider letting your husband know your plans and ideas. You never know, he could be a really strong ally in keeping those nay-sayers off your back. :) Just a suggestion.

I'm sorry everyone's been so negative so far. :(
Madienine on June 18th, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC)
thank you :) - yes, the only midwife on my insurance is in jackson, TN - but i think i might be able to go out of network with my insurance and use one of the midwives here in memphis, i'd just pay out of pocket and then get reimbursed for some of the costs after the birth, maybe (it's something i still have to look into). i've realized that out of all my friends, i have 2 that support me - 1 b/c her mom had natural birth and another b/c she has friends who've done home/natural birth in her peer group and family - looks like i need to start hanging out with them more (which is actually true, i haven't seen either of them in forever) - and yea, i know i need to talk to my husband about it, and i will... just kinda scary considering how off-putting it's been telling my few close friends (and i just told my mom... and she doesn't sound very supportive either). i don't want to scare him - but then again i'm the one that has to push it out, lol, so he can deal with it :)
(Anonymous) on July 5th, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC)
power to the newbie
You are in a similar situation that I was in several years ago.I knew that when I finally did get pregnant I wanted a natural birth.NO ONE would support me!Even my husband asked,"Why on Earth would you do that to yourself?"But I felt like you do.Women were designed to give birth.I didn't know how I would do it but, I was as determined as you are.The week I found out I was pregnant with my precious little India I found a Bradley natural childbirth instructor.I found a midwife in the hospital, because my husband was terrified of a home birth.I was very serious about excellent nutrition-very little processed foods and white sugar.I stuck to the Brewer's Diet,practiced relaxation exercises faithfully,walked every day, and prayed about having a peaceful birth.I finally stopped telling people about my birth plan because the negative feedback made me less sure I could do it.I went into labor at 41 weeks.I spent all night and most of the morning laboring while walking,resting, and in the tub.After 20 hours we went to the hospital.She was born 2 hours later.I had no intervention, no medications and a great experience.It was the most empowering and amazing experience of my life.I told every woman I knew that we are depriving ourselves of our rights to experience absolute joy when we choose to allow a doctor to control our birth.When I got pregnant 14 months later- I wanted the same experience but, when we discovered it was twins-everything changed.The talk was all hospital policy and "mandatory" epidurals and surgical prep "just in case" a c-section was necessary.My midwife said that I needed to make peace with having a c-section.I felt as though I was being set up for what was already decided by "the hospital policies".Every indication was that the babies were healthy and both head down.I prayed for a week about it,convinced my petrified husband and found a group of lay midwives to deliver the twins at home.I was even more careful about my nutrition- eating every hour-and balancing exercise with rest.I went into labor at 36 1/2 weeks.It lasted 54 hours!My midwives were excellent.They monitored the babies every 30 minutes as I walked,rocked and sat in the tub.Elias was born first and cried before his body was out.He weighed over 6 lbs.17 minutes later Adelle was born sunny side up.She weighed over 5 lbs.She had some retractions with her breathing so my midwife put her on oxygen and took her to the hospital to be checked.She spent 2 days in the NICU on O2. My husband and I stayed there with her and her brother until she was free to go.I did not want her to be given anything but breast milk, even though the nurses said I should not pressure myself.Most women with twins abandon their dreams of nursing two babies because of the many difficulties.Breastfeeding both babies was not a piece of cake but,I stuck to it and I am so glad that I did.It gave me the opportunity to bond with each baby individually.I nursed all 3 of my babies for a year each and would not trade those experiences for anything!I have been asked if I felt that home birth was a mistake because we transported Adelle to the hospital.I have no doubt at all that a hospital birth would have meant an unnecessary surgery,medications, and interventions that would have compromised the health of both babies and interfered with our bonding among many other things.Labor serves a purpose.It prepares the baby for birth and life outside the womb.If they don't get the pressure from contractions-so many things can go wrong for them.
Stick to your plans!Don't allow anyone to discourage you.You can have a wonderful natural birth experience-at home or in a birth center.I have no super powers- I just educated myself.Do research on your options and find support!If you haven't seen The Business of Being Born yet- you gotta!You'll do great!-Jessie